Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The cure for being puked on

You would think that someone who spent 5 months throwing up between 6 and 20 times a day would be immune to the grossness that is puke.  Nope.  Not the case.  Now, I'm not the kind of person who suffers from the domino affect- throwing up as the result of someone else throwing up.  But it definitely turns my stomach.  Isaac threw up a few times this weekend due to a stomach bug, and 40ish hours later I thought we were in the clear.  So, being the health conscious mother that I am, I thought gfcf pizza would be a fine choice for dinner.  Oh, and let's wash that down with carrot juice.  Nutritious, and so colorful!

An hour later, Isaac and I were playing in the basement when he started coughing.  I braced myself for the inevitable.  I even yelled out the suggestion, "Puke in the Halloween pumpkin!"  In denial that he is obviously still sick, Isaac walks toward me instead and yacks all over me.  My only instinct was to hold out my hands to try to catch it before it landed on the carpet.  Why?  I'm still asking myself that question.  (Pause.)  Hold on, this whole paragraph is making me a little queasy.  I apologize if it is doing the same for you.

Needless to say, I was feeling a little grumpy between the never-ending laundry, steam cleaning, disinfecting, etc.  The only time I've been out of the house recently was to drive around one or the other member of my family, and to grocery shop.  The combination of these things can make you feel like you're stuck in a prison, an orange-colored Puke Prison.  How do you break out of the hell that is your current domestic circumstance?  I suggest the following:

1) Download that new album you want- go head!  It's only $7.99.

2) Pick up a few health and beauty extras while at the grocery store.  Think hair dye and a new lipstick... and blush, and eyeliner.  Heck, isn't your foundation running low?  Yes, yes it is.

3) Pick one productive thing to do while your helpful spouse (wink, wink) reads bedtime stories to the puke monster.  I mean, your beloved child.  Put on your headphones with the aforementioned new album and go to work on that sink full of dishes.  I promise, it'll feel good.  Try not to hate whoever interrupts you right at the best part of every song.  This might be harder than cleaning up puke right after dinner, but try.  Remember that you love them, maybe less than that song in that moment, but when the song ends, love them again.

4)  Put puke monster to bed.

5)  Dye and dry your hair.  Put on all of your new make-up even though your evening plans involve facebook and an old running t-shirt.  Enjoy feeling like a human being again, rather than a landing pad for someone else's dinner.

6) Cancel any plans you had for tomorrow- including that annual exam you've had scheduled for the past six months.  Your kid is clearly still sick, but you have found the cure for being puked on.

You're welcome.


  1. What new album? :)

    I'm sorry Isaac is sick...we've had lots of stuff going around here too. I'm just hoping beyond hope that we're all feeling OK right after Christmas when we have to fly across country, LOL.

  2. Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens. It took awhile to get into, but now I'm obsessed. Hope you guys stay healthy for your holiday travels. It's brave enough to fly with kids, never mind sick kids. Good luck with that!